When you need or want to get something done and aren’t getting it done, the LAST thing you should ask is “Why can’t I __?”
First, it means exactly the same thing as the statement, “I CAN’T do this.”
Even worse, your brain answers the question it was asked. If you ask, “Why can’t I?”, it will respond with all the reasons why you can’t, and none for why you can.
So you’ve told yourself you can’t do the thing, and then proceeded to rationalize all the ways in which you are doomed to never do the thing.
Don’t do that.
Secondly, it’s not even a relevant question (or statement)!!!
I’m serious. It’s not. One friend, the business hypnotist Jason Linett, likes to make this a better question by adding “yet”. Personally, I like “right now”. For example, “Why can’t I do this YET?” or “I can’t do this RIGHT NOW.” These are both great ways to remind ourselves that the limiting issue may simply be one of time to develop a skill or get some rest or do something else first… It makes the “can’t” transitory and something we can be empowered to work with if we have a little patience.
However, I find that for most “I can’t” or “why can’t” problems, time is only one part of the equation.
In reality, they aren’t questions of ability, now or later, BUT OF IDENTITY.
Yes, I wrote that header correctly. It’s “I”, not “me”. I know. I was tempted, too.
Read that question again. “Which I?” Most people who lived through the 90s and 00s and were asked to “be authentic” didn’t realize there are actually many authentic yous. You act differently with small children than with your spouse than with your boss than with your reports than with your rowdy friends than with your buttoned-up friends than… You get the picture. You’re even different with individuals based on context. For example, how do act with your significant other when on a romantic date? Is it different than if your kids are around? How about if the two of you are at a friend’s party? How about when you’re discussing taxes?
Everybody’s different when they’re discussing taxes.
And are you being fake when you talk all silly with young kids but like an obnoxious snark comic with your party friends?
I think not!
Just like that, I want you to throw away preconceived notions of a single you that “can’t” do a thing. Part of you can’t. Another part of you CAN.
Really take a moment right now and truly think about that: Another part of you CAN.
Which YOU do you need for the task at hand?
For the journey?
For the final seconds of the game?
And BE that person at that moment.